Beyond Happiness
Externalized Pursuits
In our modern lifestyle, we are constantly bombarded with images and messages promoting an idealized version of happiness. The marionette of happiness tells us we will finally be at peace when we have found the dream job, the loving partner, or the perfect fill in the blank. But what if we've been asleep and sleepwalking towards something that can never quench our thirst? No matter how enticing and convincing the illusion may be, the external world is not capable of filling you.
Peacefulness is at the core of what we all desire. It’s there, embedded within us. For some it is more accessible than others, but it’s like a silent heartbeat that animates all of us. In the extroverted landscape of our current society, happiness has become a misdirection. Why? Because it is too often connected with gaining something outside of ourselves. True peacefulness is not about the accumulation of external things nor is it the story of an externally focused life. Rather, it is about turning our gaze inward and taking charge of managing our own well-being from within. In this blog post, I’d like to explore the concept of peacefulness, how it differs from our modern definition of happiness, and how we can cultivate this essential quality within ourselves.
The Illusion of Happiness
Happiness, as we've come to understand it in our culture, is often tied to external circumstances. We believe that once we have achieved a certain level of success, recognition, or material wealth, we will finally be happy. But this pursuit of happiness is elusive; we are always striving for more, never truly satisfied with what we have. Even once we attain the “thing” we’ve been chasing, it offers only a temporary charge of relief. The hunger will return and throw you back into the hunt for happiness. This constant striving can leave us feeling empty, disconnected, and ultimately unfulfilled.
The journey of self-discovery asks us to become conscious of our unconscious patterns, so we can wake up and make new choices that are in alignment with our innate potential. No longer hemorrhaging our life energy and paying homage to false idols, all the while becoming more and more depleted within ourselves. Continuing on the illusion of happiness treadmill is not only exhausting, but unnecessary. We mistakenly believe that finding peace is somehow connected to "being happy" and that this will be achieved once the perfect circumstances arise in our lives. However, this mindset only serves to perpetuate our dissatisfaction and discontent.
Redefining Peacefulness
Being peaceful is an inner quality. It’s not something you can pretend to embody or force yourself to accept because it is a state of being. It arises as a result of digesting the true nature of life—that we can react, or we can respond to the moment. When we react, we become entangled and drift further into the illusion of separation. Emotions such as anger, frustration, and shame take root and we become lost to these powerful reactions, swept up in the drama. When we respond, we are residing in Awareness and can make a conscious choice about how to manage ourselves. Anger can still arise, but awareness allows us to be conscious of this reaction. Meaning, we won’t follow it into the grips of chaos because we are going to choose a new outcome within ourselves. In this way, being in control of how we show up in life is the path to peacefulness.
When we remain focused on the external world as the provider of how we feel within ourselves, we are most certainly setting ourselves up for a challenging and ultimately miserable existence. For example, you are in line for a significant promotion, and you feel anxious anticipation because your self-worth is tied up in the result. You get the promotion, happy celebration. You don’t get the promotion, dejected depression. What if instead, you approached the situation through the lens of Awareness as an opportunity to grow, no matter what the outcome? Then, we are inviting peacefulness into our lives because we are not being defined by the moment, but we are defining the moment.
Experience Makes It Yours
To fully comprehend this internal shift, it must be awakened within us. No amount of reading or studying can replace the authenticity of experience. I’ve created an exercise to facilitate this process so you can set yourself up for success. You’re going to choose one area of your life to begin with where you can consciously set up the parameters beforehand. This way, you will already have the framework in place so you can create the space for Awareness to meet you. Let's explore this technique that will help you nurture inner peace and transform your life.
A Process to Cultivate Peacefulness
For this exercise, you’ll need a journal and writing utensil.
Set aside at least 30 minutes and start by identifying one situation in your life where you feel happy when you get outcome A and you feel upset if you get outcome B. For example, you feel happy when traffic is light, and you feel annoyed when it is heavy. You feel happy when your daily meeting is short, and you feel frustrated with it drags on. Write down your answer.
Talk more about the situation and explore your own reactions. Observe yourself and explain in as much detail as you can what happens when you get the outcome you want and what happens when you don’t.
Now, if you remove the outside situation that triggers a response within you, how would you like to feel? You have complete control over how you feel in the situation, how would you like to feel instead? Inspired? Grateful? Calm? Write out your responses and be mindful not to get caught up in the mind chatter of, “That will never happen”.
Next, make a list of things that can support you in feeling the emotions you wrote about above. If you are driving and get stuck in traffic, maybe you wrote down that you’d like to feel inspired. What would help you feel inspired? Would it be listening to an uplifting audio book? A favorite podcast? Or a certain style of music that eases your mind?
Get prepared so that next time you are in whatever situation, you are ready to become conscious and take action. In this way, you have prepped the inner-scape beforehand so you are ready to make a new choice instead of defaulting to your usual unconscious habit.
Finally, put it into action. When you are faced with the situation you highlighted, use the resources you’ve prescribed for yourself. If you don’t actively use the process, it will have absolutely no benefit for you.
Embracing the Journey
Make a concerted effort to carry through with the above process. It is a starting point and one that can be expanded out into other areas of your life. You will see firsthand how it works and this experience is what you can build off of. If you are met with resistance, say “hello, resistance!” and observe what is happening so you can find creative solutions to support yourself. Remember, giving up isn’t a solution when change is what you seek.
The path to peacefulness is a journey of self-discovery, requiring us to examine our beliefs, thoughts, and actions. As we redefine peacefulness and shift our focus from external circumstances to our inner world, we can cultivate a life of contentment and balance. The above exercise is proof that you are in control and can consciously respond to life instead of unconsciously reacting to life. By implementing these creative tips, we can foster a sense of peacefulness that transcends the illusion of happiness. As we embrace this new way of being, we become empowered to create a life that is not defined by the external world but rather by the deep and abiding peace that resides within us.
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