Beyond Happiness

Externalized Pursuits

In our modern lifestyle, we are constantly bombarded with images and messages promoting an idealized version of happiness.  The marionette of happiness tells us we will finally be at peace when we have found the dream job, the loving partner, or the perfect fill in the blank.  But what if we've been asleep and sleepwalking towards something that can never quench our thirst?  No matter how enticing and convincing the illusion may be, the external world is not capable of filling you. 

Peacefulness is at the core of what we all desire.  It’s there, embedded within us.  For some it is more accessible than others, but it’s like a silent heartbeat that animates all of us.  In the extroverted landscape of our current society, happiness has become a misdirection. Why?  Because it is too often connected with gaining something outside of ourselves.  True peacefulness is not about the accumulation of external things nor is it the story of an externally focused life.  Rather, it is about turning our gaze inward and taking charge of managing our own well-being from within.  In this blog post, I’d like to explore the concept of peacefulness, how it differs from our modern definition of happiness, and how we can cultivate this essential quality within ourselves.

The Illusion of Happiness

Happiness, as we've come to understand it in our culture, is often tied to external circumstances.  We believe that once we have achieved a certain level of success, recognition, or material wealth, we will finally be happy.  But this pursuit of happiness is elusive; we are always striving for more, never truly satisfied with what we have.  Even once we attain the “thing” we’ve been chasing, it offers only a temporary charge of relief.  The hunger will return and throw you back into the hunt for happiness.  This constant striving can leave us feeling empty, disconnected, and ultimately unfulfilled.

The journey of self-discovery asks us to become conscious of our unconscious patterns, so we can wake up and make new choices that are in alignment with our innate potential.  No longer hemorrhaging our life energy and paying homage to false idols, all the while becoming more and more depleted within ourselves.  Continuing on the illusion of happiness treadmill is not only exhausting, but unnecessary.  We mistakenly believe that finding peace is somehow connected to "being happy" and that this will be achieved once the perfect circumstances arise in our lives. However, this mindset only serves to perpetuate our dissatisfaction and discontent.

Redefining Peacefulness

Being peaceful is an inner quality.  It’s not something you can pretend to embody or force yourself to accept because it is a state of being.  It arises as a result of digesting the true nature of life—that we can react, or we can respond to the moment.  When we react, we become entangled and drift further into the illusion of separation.  Emotions such as anger, frustration, and shame take root and we become lost to these powerful reactions, swept up in the drama.  When we respond, we are residing in Awareness and can make a conscious choice about how to manage ourselves.  Anger can still arise, but awareness allows us to be conscious of this reaction.  Meaning, we won’t follow it into the grips of chaos because we are going to choose a new outcome within ourselves.  In this way, being in control of how we show up in life is the path to peacefulness. 

When we remain focused on the external world as the provider of how we feel within ourselves, we are most certainly setting ourselves up for a challenging and ultimately miserable existence.  For example, you are in line for a significant promotion, and you feel anxious anticipation because your self-worth is tied up in the result.  You get the promotion, happy celebration.  You don’t get the promotion, dejected depression.  What if instead, you approached the situation through the lens of Awareness as an opportunity to grow, no matter what the outcome?  Then, we are inviting peacefulness into our lives because we are not being defined by the moment, but we are defining the moment.    

Experience Makes It Yours

To fully comprehend this internal shift, it must be awakened within us.  No amount of reading or studying can replace the authenticity of experience.  I’ve created an exercise to facilitate this process so you can set yourself up for success.  You’re going to choose one area of your life to begin with where you can consciously set up the parameters beforehand.  This way, you will already have the framework in place so you can create the space for Awareness to meet you.  Let's explore this technique that will help you nurture inner peace and transform your life. 

A Process to Cultivate Peacefulness

• For this exercise, you’ll need a journal and writing utensil.

• Set aside at least 30 minutes and start by identifying one situation in your life where you feel happy when you get outcome A and you feel upset if you get outcome B.  For example, you feel happy when traffic is light, and you feel annoyed when it is heavy.  You feel happy when your daily meeting is short, and you feel frustrated with it drags on. Write down your answer. 

  • Talk more about the situation and explore your own reactions.  Observe yourself and explain in as much detail as you can what happens when you get the outcome you want and what happens when you don’t.

• Now, if you remove the outside situation that triggers a response within you, how would you like to feel?  You have complete control over how you feel in the situation, how would you like to feel instead?  Inspired?  Grateful?  Calm?  Write out your responses and be mindful not to get caught up in the mind chatter of, “That will never happen”.

• Next, make a list of things that can support you in feeling the emotions you wrote about above.  If you are driving and get stuck in traffic, maybe you wrote down that you’d like to feel inspired.  What would help you feel inspired?  Would it be listening to an uplifting audio book?  A favorite podcast?  Or a certain style of music that eases your mind?

• Get prepared so that next time you are in whatever situation, you are ready to become conscious and take action. In this way, you have prepped the inner-scape beforehand so you are ready to make a new choice instead of defaulting to your usual unconscious habit.

• Finally, put it into action.  When you are faced with the situation you highlighted, use the resources you’ve prescribed for yourself.  If you don’t actively use the process, it will have absolutely no benefit for you. 

Embracing the Journey

Make a concerted effort to carry through with the above process.  It is a starting point and one that can be expanded out into other areas of your life.  You will see firsthand how it works and this experience is what you can build off of.  If you are met with resistance, say “hello, resistance!” and observe what is happening so you can find creative solutions to support yourself.  Remember, giving up isn’t a solution when change is what you seek. 

The path to peacefulness is a journey of self-discovery, requiring us to examine our beliefs, thoughts, and actions.  As we redefine peacefulness and shift our focus from external circumstances to our inner world, we can cultivate a life of contentment and balance.  The above exercise is proof that you are in control and can consciously respond to life instead of unconsciously reacting to life.  By implementing these creative tips, we can foster a sense of peacefulness that transcends the illusion of happiness.  As we embrace this new way of being, we become empowered to create a life that is not defined by the external world but rather by the deep and abiding peace that resides within us.

I help people align with their potential. If you’re ready to find a deeper connection with what truly matters, click here.

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Why Less Is More

The Beauty of Simplicity

In a society that often promotes consumerism and the constant pursuit of more, the concept of simplicity may seem counterintuitive.  People's perceptions of simplicity can be clouded by misconceptions, leading them to undervalue its importance.  With the consumer mentality of “more” often taking center stage, embracing simplicity is actually essential for our overall sense of being grounded and centered.  Cultivating simplicity in our lives allows us to declutter our minds, reduce stress, and refocus on what truly matters—our inner growth and genuine connections with others.  Embracing the “less is more” philosophy can have a profound impact on our lives, leading to greater happiness, fulfillment, and well-being.  By adopting a simpler lifestyle, we can create space for self-reflection, mindfulness, and an increased appreciation for the beauty in life's small moments.  In essence, simplicity paves the way for a more balanced, fulfilling, and spiritually nourishing existence.

Uncover Clarity and Harmony

Simplicity can be defined as the pursuit of clarity, focus, and a more meaningful life by reducing unnecessary complexity and distractions.  Even deeper, it is the art of embracing the essence of life, savoring the magic in the mundane, and uncovering the extraordinary in the ordinary.  It's a mindful dance that weaves together minimalism, intentionality, and a deep appreciation for the subtle beauty in our world.  Simplicity is like the soft, calming notes of a gentle melody, guiding us towards inner tranquility and unburdening our hearts from the chaos of excess.  It's a journey towards self-discovery, where we learn to cherish the present moment and cultivate a harmonious connection with our surroundings and our true selves.

Many individuals find themselves grappling with the concept of simplicity.  This struggle can be attributed to a variety of influences that shape our modern lives.  One such influence is the relentless pursuit of material wealth, which is often viewed as a symbol of success and happiness.  To some, “simplicity” might be linked to an image of living in lack and not being able to afford the luxuries life has to offer.  Society bombards us with messages that encourage consumerism, leading to an insatiable desire for more and a persistent sense of dissatisfaction.

Another significant factor contributing to this struggle is the pervasive fear of missing out (FOMO) that has become all too common in our hyper-connected world.  With an endless stream of information and options at our fingertips, people are constantly exposed to new experiences, opportunities, and connections.  This fear can create an overwhelming sense of pressure to keep up and participate, making it challenging for individuals to simplify their lives and focus on what truly serves them.  They are too busy being focused on the external world to realize that it is draining them.

Moreover, emotional ties to possessions, relationships, or habits can further complicate our ability to embrace simplicity.  We may find it difficult to let go of these attachments, as doing so can bring up feelings of loss, guilt, or fear.  This resistance to change can prevent us from recognizing the benefits of a more minimalist and intentional lifestyle.  A lifestyle that nourishes us from within because we are connected to the heartbeat of something much larger. 

In order to move toward a simpler and more fulfilling life, it is essential to acknowledge and confront these influences.  Putting a bandage on a splinter doesn’t remove the splinter—we have to get the tweezers and actively pull the foreign object out in order for the body to heal.  Likewise, we need to balance our life by cultivating self-awareness, challenging societal norms, and developing the courage to prioritize our true values so we can extract ourselves from the noise.  We can start now to gradually untangle ourselves from the complexities that hold us back and embrace the beauty of simplicity in our everyday lives.

Benefits of Simplicity

Living a chaotic life is like trying to navigate through a dense, overgrown jungle, filled with thorny bushes, tangled vines, and hidden obstacles.  You're constantly fighting your way through, expending energy to push aside the clutter, and often feeling lost and overwhelmed.  Each step is a struggle, and progress is slow and exhausting.

In contrast, living a simplified life is like strolling through a well-tended garden, where the path is clear and easy to follow.  The plants are thoughtfully arranged, and there's ample space to breathe and move freely.  You can appreciate the beauty of your surroundings without feeling overwhelmed, and each step feels light and effortless as you navigate through life's journey with grace and serenity.

Therefore, the benefits of simplicity touch various aspects of our lives, weaving together a tapestry of enhanced inner well-being.  When we choose to simplify, we invite mental clarity into our lives, reducing decision fatigue and honing our focus on what truly matters.  We free ourselves from the tangled web of distractions and discover the tranquility of emotional well-being, alleviating stress and anxiety as we unburden ourselves from an  excessive lifestyle.

In this serene space, we cultivate self-awareness and mindfulness, connecting more deeply with our emotions and inner selves.  As we continue to strip away the clutter, we discover that simplicity fuels productivity and efficiency, allowing us to zero in on our goals and achieve them with greater ease.  Our relationships, too, are transformed, as we choose to invest our time and energy in the connections that genuinely enrich our lives.  Ultimately, embracing simplicity helps us refocus on the things that matter most, fostering a profound appreciation for the experiences, relationships, and pursuits that bring us true joy and fulfillment. 

  Practical Tips for Embracing a Life of Simplicity

• Declutter Your Home and Workspace

Start by letting go of possessions that no longer serve you or bring joy to your life.  Focus on creating a calming, clutter-free environment that promotes relaxation, focus, and creativity.

• Prioritize Your Time and Energy

Identify your most important tasks, activities, and relationships, and invest your time and energy accordingly.  Learn to say "no" to nonessential commitments and distractions.

• Practice Mindful Spending

Create a budget and be intentional with your spending habits.  Prioritize financial stability and seek to cultivate a sense of abundance and gratitude for what you already have.

• Cultivate Deep, Meaningful Relationships

Invest time and energy in the connections that truly matter.  Set healthy boundaries and let go of toxic relationships to simplify your emotional landscape.

• Pursue Work That Aligns with Your Values and Goals

Find fulfillment in your career by focusing on tasks and projects that align with your values and goals.  Strive for a healthy work-life balance to maintain simplicity in all aspects of life.

I encourage you to take the first steps towards a simpler life.  If the above list feels too overwhelming, then choose one item and commit to following through.  Not tomorrow or next week, but today.  As in now.  Yes, now.  A life of simplicity can bring numerous benefits that you deserve because a life of more is never going to fill the void.  As we step boldly into the embrace of a simpler way of being, we find that we are renewed and rejuvenated—feeling lighter and more expanded.  When we let go of the extraneous, we are showing kindness to ourselves and making room for serenity in our lives.  Wouldn’t you rather have serenity over a cluttered closet?  Let the beauty of simplicity be your compass, guiding you towards a life where less truly becomes more, and where the treasures of the heart outweigh the trappings of the material world.

I help people align with their potential. If you’re ready to find a deeper connection with what truly matters, click here.

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